Sunday, April 13, 2014

Toni's Big Six Journey #4

I recently asked on my FB what I should blog about and T.R. Graves said “Write about the best day of your life and what made it stand out (then and now).” So I am going to try to do that.

I have had a lot of good days, but I have also had a lot of bad, I think they balance each other out.  With that being said, I don’t think I have actually lived my best day.  I could be clichéd and say the day my best friend Anne came into my life, and while that is a GREAT day, I don’t know that it is something that I can write about without revealing too much about my life.  So while that is one of the greatest, it is a personal greatest and I can’t really share it.

It is sometimes hard to see the good through the bad.  I haven’t been writing much because I have been in this really weird place emotionally.  I feel like I can’t get words from my brain to my pen to paper.  I am even having a hard time typing up what was previously handwritten.  I feel like something in me just won’t click and it goes wayyyyy beyond writer’s block. 

These past few years have been hard for me, and at times I stopped writing.  For example: September 2011 something happened that changed my life at the time I thought it was for the worse and now I even think that at times, but in the long run it will probably be one of the better days or even for the best.  I stopped writing for about six months in my main book.  I picked up the pen in November (2011) to write the vampire book and wrote two chapters, but I didn’t do much more until March.  I don’t like this, I don’t like what I am writing, I feel like I am being  fake, because I am holding so much back and talking around the point.   But I also don’t want to shout “THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG” online.

As most know we lost Ned Vizzini, back in December (2013).  His death really shook me, as a writer, a reader, and (and I use the term loosely) a friend.  I was and still am his friend on Facebook.  We interacted once when I told him that I loved his book and he thanked me.  When he passed (I didn’t find out until days later) I had a hard time coping.  I, writing this, am having a hard time even now.  I bought his last book and I can’t even look at it without losing it and breaking down. I can’t imagine how hard it is for his ‘real’ friends and family.  I sometimes feel like his death could have been prevented, like what if I reached out, what if I emailed him like I kept wanting to?  He never posted much on FB so I didn’t know things were hard for him, but god I WISH I would have emailed before December.  Every time I saw his book on my bookshelf I had this nagging feeling to message, but I never did, for whatever reason.  And I am sad I didn’t.  We weren’t close or really had any interaction, but I loved his books and it meant so much to me that he accepted my friend request.

I have been struggling with my rewrite and I started a few new books in hopes of jumpstarting that desire to continue Devon’s story, but something is hitching.  I have been plotting on the daily and have at least three new book ideas that I love, LOVE!  I have been spending time with my characters so it’s not like I went completely radio silent, everything has just been fuzzy.  I am hoping to beat this soon.

Also, I want to apologize to the bloggers and Tina for not being consistent with posting and for not really informing anyone that I was going MIA.  But I am back hopefully.  I haven’t known what to post or blog about, so ideas would be helpful and greatly appreciated.

I’m back hopefully, I have been getting the desire to write.  Writers, does this happen to you?  Is this normal?

I think I know what my next blog post will be about, but please send me ideas.


Peace, Love, and Inspiration
Keep writing and remember

Listening to:  Tear the World Down from Tear the World Down-We Are the Fallen
Quote: “I just give myself permission to suck. I delete about 90 percent of my first drafts … so it doesn’t really matter much if on a particular day I write beautiful and brilliant prose that will stick in the minds of my readers forever, because there’s a 90 percent chance I’m just gonna delete whatever I write anyway. I find this hugely liberating. I also like to remind myself of something my dad said in [response] to writers’ block: ‘Coal miners don’t get coal miners’ block.’”  --John Green

1 comment:

  1. Your post reminded me of this quote: “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”
    ― Richard Bach